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Rome, December 24, 1862
Dear Sister,
I have written to Nina, but since you ask
how I am I am going to write you a real ego-
tistical letter. I am not sick but I have not been
right well since I had that cold. Mrs. T[ucker] thinks I have
a bad cough, but I don't think I have more than I
have every winter, that is I cough [some?] night and morning
in damp weather, when I sit in a cold church, etc. Dr. [?] never
seemed easy about [me?] would look up when I cough in church, and [br?]
[ing?] me from the door to the carriage and ask how that [soreness?]
was, and I had better take the croton oil, but you know my cough al-
ways seemed worse than they are. The last time he asked me I told him
the [soreness?] was still there just the same, well he said I shall
have to [take?] you you must use the oil, so I told him if he would
send it to me I would by a servant who goes there from here every
night [at end?]. He did not send it for a day or two but then came
[soon?] himself and brought it and asked me about the soreness and said
if I was Mrs. [J?] he would tell me I must; as I was Miss H would tell me he
thought I had better, it would not hurt me much (but I tell
you, he was mistaken in that) and I would find much advantage
from it, he thought if I would use it all this winter I might get
rid of it entirely, so I have rubbed it three times. The rest I think is
only Maria worrying, but I don't think I ought to mind it so
much or would if I were strong, she has a way when she gets out
of doing every little thing which she thinks will give trouble
such as holding her book so I can't see, and a thousand little things which
are too much and too numerous to mention, and I get into such a state
that the very taking her book into my hands makes me tremble
from head to foot and my voice shakes so that I can scarcely
hear her, then she will say, oh yes somebody beside me can get
mad, Miss Hattie is so mad she can hardly speak, but it is
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not so I don't feel angry in the heart it is only the dread of
a contact. I can make her, but it is a constant make. I think
Uncle Fred would know how I feel for I have seen him in
just such a state. Lately too Willie has got to imitating her, I
have given him two whippings for it, and I think I can whip
it out of him. As to changing my place, I would dislike of all
things to do it. It would mortify and distress Mrs. T[ucker] above all
things, she is really very fond of me and just as kind as it is
possible to be. And for all M[aria] does so she is very fond of me too, but she
is as jealous of me as possible, thinks her Mother loves me better than
her, even counts how many apples Cousin Dick brings me to see if
he brings her the same, which I have given him private in-
structions always to do. Mrs T[ucker] can't manage her as well as I can.
She [knows?] how much she can worry her mother in the same way
and she has no sort of judgment if she knows she has behaved badly
in school she will take the opportunity of the dinner table being
full of company to tell it all and scold and scold at the child [later?]
she hardens her, and she don't care, or she says she don't and then she
will publish that to the next person who comes. She now promis-
es to do better, and I shall not [track?] until the first Monday
in Jan, by that time I reckon I shall be rested, and her
Father will be at home. I have concluded not to send
Nina's yarn by mail, but to send it by Pattie Edmunds